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| Yes, simple peasants, it is I! The Champion of Cyrodiil and, indeed, savior of the world is here. After many months of toiling and questing, I have beaten The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. In fact, I have beaten not only the main quest, but all of the Faction quest lines too. It is a great accomplishment and I understand if you have the sudden urge to fall at my feet and worship me. There is no shame in recognizing my greatness. And yet, my work is far from done. Though the immediate threat has been removed, I am now head of four different guilds. Don't think for a moment that this minor victory against the great forces of evil will somehow sway me from completing my duties as head of all the major guilds. No, I take my duties very seriously and will continue to execute them with utmost care. And the cities and counties of Cyrodiil never stay quiet for long. Every day there are more matters that require my delicate hand. There are dungeons, caves, and ruins that go unexplored; treasures that go unclaimed. It is not yet enough, my friends. I fear that the Champion of Cyrodiil has little time for respite. The wild wind of adventure beckons him to yet another great challenge. But know that as I sally forth into the province, I will be keeping you all close to my heart. Because, while I probably could have done it without you, it would not have been as sweet a victory without you to hear of my daring deeds. If you with to bask in my gaming glory more, I suggest you visit: http://live.xbox.com/member/trevster34 | | |
| Okay, supposedly drunk dialing is "bad"  . However, I just received a call from a good friend of mine and he always makes me laugh. So, I would like to thank all the alcohol that contributed to his inebriated state. And the phone companies for inventing speed dial, without which I'm sure the call couldn't have happened.
Second, I made Man of La Mancha at UNO. I'm going to be playing the Innkeeper, who eventually gets to knight Don Quixote. He doesn't have a real first name but I've decided to call him Antonio, or Tony, because his wife's name is Maria. If you can figure out the reference I'll give you a cookie!
Thirdly, I'm going to be teaching a voice class for dancers at The Broadway Connection dance studio starting this Saturday. I'm really excited and yet a little nervous. Its going to be the first time I'll be teaching solo. But its a subject I'm really good with and something I do well, so I think it will be great. If anyone knows someone who is interested in taking the class, or any class at The Broadway Connection, I would suggest calling the studio. (Although, I don't know the number.)
Well, I have to go to bed now. | | |
| Okay, I saw it. 'Snakes on a Plane' is everything you think it will be and more, definately midnight movie material. Although, it really is a horrible movie, I would recommend seeing it at least once. I think that every year from this day forward on August 18th I'm going to gather all my friends together, get totally smashed and watch the movie. Write it down, "Snakes on a Plane" Day is August 18th!!!
Also, I'm thinking about starting a brothel! Let me know if you're interested. I need start-up capital, a place for the girls to live, and...well...some girls. I'll be accepting donations and applications starting immediately.
So, I'm going to watch Stargate now. Later. TREV | | |
| I am the #1 golfer in the world!!! I rule all and you should bow down to me as such!!! Okay, well that's not true. But, our foresome did win the Infocrossing golf tournament. My dad and I played along with two other guys who could actually, ya know, golf... Anyway, all of us contributed and we emerged victorious. My dad also won a drawing for a new club. All in all, it was fun and we all had a good time. I am determined to try and golf more so I can do better myself next time around.
I finally also heard from Sue about the voice class this fall. She stuck me with the only real time slot left open 8 and 9am on Saturday mornings. Which I don't mind so much, I regularly work that early. I can understand if that leads to a lack of interest in the class which is really the only thing standing in our way at the moment. So if you know any children who are interested in voice classes, have them call The Broadway Connection and let Sue know.
All for now. | | |
| Okay, I know that a lot of people get on and write about how the person they like doesn't like them back, or that they can't afford the clothes they want because they have to pay rent or some shit like that. And, I'll admit that in the grand scheme of things I don't have it that bad. I'm not homeless, I'm not broke (though I might as well be), I have hobbies (sorta), etc. So relatively I'm doing okay.
And yet my life sucks! I haven't had a serious relationship EVER! (Unless you count the three days almost four years ago.) I can't even grasp how anyone would want to date me, I find myself repulsive from a physical standpoint. Of course, I can't do anything about that because something in my head is telling me it wouldn't do any good. No matter what I'm always going to be fat, disgusting, sick, etc. The only thing that might help is knowing someone might, in fact, be interested in me (even if it were after I lost a few pounds.) But, I've convinced myself that that won't happen so nothing ever changes. (See how frustrating my mind is.)
I also find that I can't ever finish any long term project. I hate my job, I'm losing (or losing touch with) more friends than I'm gaining, I can't stick with a hobby, I don't even like going out at night anymore. It feels like either I'm letting go of the world, or the world is letting go of me.
I thought up an analogy of standing on a precipice. My life is constantly standing on the edge looking at what could be if I were to make the oh-so-cliched "leap of faith." I catch myself thinking, being so sure, that if I were to just jump off that cliff I would miss the ground and fly off to better things. (Jumping off the cliff is the good thing in this metaphor if you didn't catch that.) The other option would be to turn around, step back from the cliff, give up. After which it would be easy to let go of life, simply fade into the background and have no one care whether I exist or not.
And all I really want, all I really need, is someone to talk to. Someone to listen to how I'm feeling. Someone to respond to my changing moods. Someone to sit with me when all I want to do is nothing. Someone to understand that I don't process information like other people, understand that I struggle with everything I do. Of course, I don't want to burden anyone. The world has problems of its own. My mother is struggling with her job, my father is struggling to keep the lights on and the cupboards filled, my sister is constantly at college (summer or not), my best friend works all the time or playing video games until 3am (I'm even upset that I can't spend 5 hours playing video games anymore). My other friends don't seem to care enough to want to listen.
Its not like it would be a one way street. I'm a good friend, I love to listen, I'm interesting (even if I'm a bit dorky), even when I'm pissy I'm better than most.
Not even my therapist listen to me. It was all ADD all the time with her. It felt like all I had to do was deal with the damned ADD and all would be right. Well, as it turns out the uncontrolled ADD helped me better forget what crap my life is. And now that I'm being treated I don't have that filter any more. Its like crossing the marathon finish line and collapsing in to a pile of horseshit.
In the end I guess its the difference between having reasons to live and reasons not to die. Having reasons to live gives you goals, gives you purpose, gives you something to strive for. Having reasons not to die is just a prolonging of the inevitable, you're not moving, you have no goals, you just don't want to cause your loved ones pain. But I'm almost out of reasons to live (tour is about the only one I can think of and that's fading fast), and my reasons not to die are being quickly outnumbered. Maybe I've already given up. Maybe somewhere I've made the decision and I can't bring myself to say it. Its occured to me, throw my car off an interstate bridge, take all the pills I can find.
What will it take for me to finally do it? What will finally make me walk away from life? I feel so close. I feel so close. I'm sorry to end on such a downer, but its unlikely anyone has read this far anyway. | | |
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